Aug 30, 2013

Friday Funny: The End of Annoying Motorists

Motoring is a great human invention with an unprecedented contribution to our civilization. However, some part of the civilization indulging on it is not that civil. Š•xamples are ample and include the motorcycle breaking the silence of the night, waking up the kids and turning on all the car alarms or the car stereo volume turned up so high that makes a party somewhere on the Moon not suitable place for a quite chat or the unpredictable driver disobeying the regulations of law, common sense and clinical sanity. Have you ever wondered how we could solve these problems and make our street safer and quieter as well as daily commute bit more pleasant?Violence is often the answer but I have a better idea - I have designed a simple yet very effective solution.
I studied the problem with Google and some psychology books and it was total waste of time as you might expect. So I turned to the panel of local experts hanging out in the nearby bars and I got everything I need to design a solution. It is simple, does not require any investment and it is difficult to fake or manipulate as plus. So what is it? I will cut through the layers of complexity and science jibber jabber and lay it for your consideration. The solution has two parts - one for the aspiring male drivers and another for female ones. Introducing fresh male drivers that are likely to drive in irritating and dangerous manner is curbed by introducing of a simple test performed after passing the usual driving skills test: the male applicant will have his male parts measured and driving license would not be granted if the size is below a set standard. Female drivers will be subject to another test: they will be asked to raise their left (or right) hand and if they cannot raise the proper hand under 1 second, the license should be refused. Could it be simpler than that?! I know you know what I am talking about.

This test has the lots of virtues - it is extremely cheap, foundations are well understood by people (well, on the Balkans at least) and cannot be faked so corruption would be reduced! It also could be applied to active drivers that have been detected or reported not to behave accordingly. It could be performed virtually everywhere at any time of the day without the need of qualification courses for the staff.

On the other hand , the test does not tolerate men and women as women can learn directions after some extensive exercises while man do not get the chance to improve on it. Maybe I should think about a compensation for that. I expect strong resistance from the dealers of luxurious cars, some feminist movements and most of the politicians for obvious reasons. However, despite the opposition, the test has to be introduced for the greater good, calm evenings, nice commute and sound sleep!

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